my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
