good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
