I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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