watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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