There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
