You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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