I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
