I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and she was petting her beer can
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
