dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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