She said her name was "party"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize