At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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