moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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