I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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