Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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