I love black thongs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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