You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
