i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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