Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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