so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
