Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
