your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
