do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize