Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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