I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
