Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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