Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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