I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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