i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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