actually, I'm a sock model
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize