this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
