the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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