I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the day after is always just damage control
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
