dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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