Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i will never coherently bang her
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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