You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
