The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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