I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
50% drunk capacity currently
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize