I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
