Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
