I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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