college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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