you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
