Need sex. Gaining weight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
