I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize