Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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