you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
