I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
