When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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