I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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