I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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