Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
