My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
