She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
