My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
