We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
