The maid of honor just puked.
Can i not drive my cunt home
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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