i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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