i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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