Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
