I hate all girls vehemently.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
