so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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