I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
