Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I supernannyed him into submission
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
