I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Who died my cat blue again?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize