I feel great
I just peed on a car
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
