Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
