dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm sobbing to NWA
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
