I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
