What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
