nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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