guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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