shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
