i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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