I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
