we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
