you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
