Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
