The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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