It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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