The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
