you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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