is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
