i permit you to call me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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