what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
