Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize