Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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