hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
