That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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