You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize