saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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