pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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