i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
