I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
