Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
