My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
