if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
