He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
