Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
