Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
