We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
