normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
