I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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