Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she looked like the before picture.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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