So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
be right there i have to get my cape
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
