Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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