I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
