she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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