Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
