Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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