I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
