We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
