Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
