I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
